The How-To's of Timeouts

In sports, timeouts are an important part of the game. When things aren't going a team's way, for example, the coach may call a timeout. When you see your children having trouble behaving, you can call a timeout.

Timeouts work best for children who are hitting, throwing toys, or disobeying when you ask them to stop doing something. Timeouts give your children a chance to think about their behavior and how they can do better. They also give you and your children time to calm down.

If you have never used timeouts, you may think there's nothing to it. Your children misbehave. You put them in timeout. They return from timeout and behave well. But it's not that easy. In fact, researchers have found that when parents first use timeouts, children may misbehave even more often. Children may test the new limits with a display of emotional behavior or even temper tantrums. If you are calm and consistent, though, eventually your children will learn to stop the bad behavior.

Here's how to make timeouts work for you and your children:

• Discuss how timeouts will be used. You must make clear to your children ahead of time which behaviors will result in a timeout—then follow through.
• Give a warning. When a wrong behavior occurs, tell your children the behavior is not OK. Give one warning that you will put them in timeout if the behavior
  doesn't stop. In one study, giving a warning to 2- to 6-year-olds before they received a timeout lessened the number of timeouts needed.
• Respond quickly. If your children misbehave again after the warning, enforce the timeout immediately.
• Choose a place that is boring, but not frightening. For safety reasons, young children should not be left alone. You should always be able to see children
  during a timeout.
• Keep your cool. If your children leave the timeout area, gently but firmly return them.
• Make the timeout brief. Some experts recommend one minute for each year of age. Use a timer that the children can hear to signal the end of the timeout.
• Afterward, have a talk. Talk to your children after the timeout when you are both calm. Explain clearly what is acceptable behavior.